How to Explain Obsessions and Compulsions to a Child: A Parent’s Guide to Compassionate Understanding

If you are starting to notice signs of obsessions and compulsions in your child behaviour, one of the most important steps you can take is to help them understand what’s happening inside their mind.

Children with obsessions and compulsions often feel confused, scared, or even ashamed of their thoughts or rituals. That’s why it’s essential to talk about obsessions and compulsions in a way that’s non-judgmental, age-appropriate, and empowering.

This blog will guide you through how to explain obsessions and compulsions to your child—what it is, why it happens, and most importantly, that it’s not their fault.

Start with Reassurance: "You Are Not Broken"

Begin the conversation by letting your child know that lots of people have brains that work differently—and obsessions and compulsions is one of those ways.

You might say:

“Your brain is trying really hard to protect you, even when it doesn’t need to. That’s not your fault. And you’re not alone—lots of kids and adults feel the same way.”

Your child needs to know from the start: They are not bad, weird, or wrong.

Obsessions and compulsions in children (particularly post-covid) are much more common than you may think.

What are Obsessions and Compulsions? Use Simple Language

Break it into Two Parts: Thoughts and Actions

You can explain obsessions and compulsions like this:

“What you are experiencing is the brain believing that it is keeping you safe. It causes unwanted thoughts that get stuck, kind of like a song you can’t stop hearing in your head. These thoughts can make you feel worried or scared. That’s called an obsession.

Then your brain tells you to do something—like wash your hands again and again, count things, or check if something is ‘just right’—to try to make the worry go away. That’s called a compulsion.”

Use a Kid-Friendly Metaphor: “The Worry Bully” or “The OC Monster”

Metaphors help children separate themselves from their obsessions and compulsions.

You might say:

“Imagine you have a little ‘Worry Bully’ in your brain. It tells you scary things like, ‘If you don’t tap the door three times, something bad will happen.’ It tries to trick you into doing things over and over to feel safe.

But the Worry Bully is a liar. It gets weaker when you ignore it—and we can learn how to do that together.”

Letting your child name their obsessions and compulsions (e.g., “Mr. Worry,” “The Doubt Monster,” “Bossy Brain”) can make it feel less scary and more manageable.

Explain Why Compulsions Don’t Actually Help

This is an important part of helping your child understand their obsessions and compulsions.

Like we all do many times, your child's brain has made an association which is a mistake. It believes that if they perform this action or ritual, that it will have an effect on something (e.g. stop something bad from happening). Sometimes children can't always identify what it is that they think is going to happen, but they get a feeling (anxiety).

Say something like:

“Doing the ritual or action might make you feel better for a little while, but the worry always comes back. That’s how Mr. Worry keeps tricking you. But we can learn how to stop giving it attention—and when we do, it gets quieter.”

This teaches that avoidance or rituals give the obsessions and compulstions more power, while facing fears (with support) helps take that power back.

Empower Your Child: "You Can Be Stronger Than Your Obsessions and Compulsions"

Talk about therapy or strategies in a hopeful, encouraging way.

“There are special ways to train your brain to ignore Mr. Worry’s tricks. With practice—and help from people who understand—you can get better at it.”

In my experience, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be a great way to intervene early when the obsessions and compulsions are relative low intensity.

However, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy comes along with a lot of limitations (e.g. duration, adaptability, data collection). That is why I now deliver Children's Emotional Wellbeing Coaching - to deliver the personalised support and intervention your child needs without the pressure of a public service.

A Few Helpful Phrases to Use:

• “Mr.Worry is not who you are—it’s something you have.”

• “Having scary thoughts doesn’t make you a bad person.”

• “You’re not alone, and there are people who know how to help.”

• “You are brave for facing something that feels big and hard.”

Recommended Books for Kids with Obsessions and Compulsions:

Here are a few titles that make obsessions and compulsions more understandable and less intimidating:

• What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck by Dawn Huebner (ages 6–12)

• Up and Down the Worry Hill by Aureen Pinto Wagner

• OCDaniel by Wesley King (for older kids/teens)

• The OCD Workbook for Kids by Katie Saint

Reading these together can help your child feel seen—and open up conversations you might not know how to start.

Final Thoughts

Explaining obsessions and compulsions to your child isn't about giving them a label—it's about giving them language, tools, and hope. The goal is not just understanding, but empowerment. With your support and the right strategies, your child can learn to live confidently, even with experiencing obsessions and compulsions in the background.

Remind them often:

“Mr.Worry is loud sometimes, but you are the boss of your brain—not the other way around.”